I already had it bad & now I’ve got it worse
I’m losing sleep & hunger just thinking about you.
I’m so afraid of falling too hard & getting hurt.
So I just laugh & joke like I usually do
expecting you will walk away like all the rest.
To be left disappointed but not surprised
has always been my position.
Until you speak the feelings you claim
I’ll just sit and wait
without sleep & without hunger
for the moment you let me know
if you feel the same.
I could fall for you.
If only you could fall for me.
So I wait & hold out my heart
to the One who holds me
Wondering if perhaps, possibly, maybe….
And the horrible moment when they apologize to you because their phone was stolen.
They never meant to text you… and they don’t think you’re beautiful.
Controlling my thoughts.
Keeping them straight.
Calming my emotions.
But knowing their fate.
Dreading the feeling.
I sit here & wait.
Holding onto the stillness.
With the doubting I hate.
It’s by building this wall.
I’m resisting the fall.
By doing nothing at all.
I’m resisting the fall.
Perhaps for you it’s easy to let it go & walk away
Your heart kept at a distance every day
The only expert in the game you play
Even from afar there is so much to say
Loving you always, in my heart to stay
From the love we shared I will never sway
None could replace you, none could repay
How you’ve touched my life in a special way
At first glance you were just any other
Cuter than the rest but out of my reach
But you were so kind with your way of being
When you came around I was at ease
The laughter we shared felt comfortable
Those eyes stared back at me gently
Your presence made the night sweeter
Secretly watching the way you moved
Gazing over at your effortless charm
Won me over with those vibrations
Something that’s not done with many
I gave into you
Sometimes I wish I could forget. But your traces follow me.
and it wasn’t a great feeling.
It reminded me of how anxious you make me feel. It reminds me of how difficult it was for me to communicate with you. This guy I met made me relive those moments I felt like I had to change my behaviors to better suit yours.
And it’s helped me cope with the fact that you & me…. will never work.
You put me on the spot. You make me feel stressed. You make me anxious. You make me feel less smart than I really am. You make me uncomfortable. You make me self-conscious.
And for the longest time, I loved that about you. I loved how your personality challenged mine. You kept me on edge, & I liked the fact I couldn’t figure you out. However, I’m afraid those feelings of frustration, anxiety, & stress will never go away if we’re together.
So meeting a slight replica of you made me realize that you & me…. we’ll never work.